Benedictus

Played the piano today. I was so nervous, thought I'd have to bailout, make some total lame excuse, like a car accident or a lacerated thumb, the usual. But then as luck would have it, Rob was fretting over his miserable job outlook, my son became unhinged when he couldn't find his flute, of course minutes before the school bus arrived, and wonder of wonders, my lower back went out. Completely out, as in tried to sneeze and I thought I'd die. So just like that, an honest to goodness, built in excuse. But Jewish guilt forced me to stand up, walk out the door into the freezing cold, and ever so slowly lower myself into the car. Please, save the applause... I did what any Jewish girl would do. I SHOWED UP.

Played like a charm. Without a hitch, even Benedictus. This is a special needs high school and my page turner had turrets, so I knew I needed to be calm, for him, for a gymnasium full of parents, grandparents and teachers, for those kids singing their hearts out.

Yes, we are getting to some semblance of a drug reference. Advil really deserved all the credit. Sorry folks, that all I got today.

Piano, writing and pharmacy

So far nothing in the job department. Apparently this crumby economy has hit pharmacy big time. Not that job searching over the holidays helps. Once in a while an independent pharmacy shows interest but the only hours available seems to be on weekends and nights. I've been saying no to these off hours, retaining some semblance of self, but who knows how long I can keep that up.

Meanwhile, I keep looking, each day, here and there. As I said, I don't mind, it adds a bit of socializing to my mostly solitary days of writing. I know it would help with the loneliness if I could be out there, dispensing in retail, for those two days a week. I'm not asking for much!

Had a wonderful weekend. R came over with her family for Hanukkah, did a scavenger hunt for the boys' presents, had them running all over the house. B was thrilled with his yo yo. Rob and I doing pretty darn great. Playing piano for the school choir this Friday, she threw at me five pieces, Benedictus is actually beautiful, but now I have to practice like mad, the usual, needing the money. All over the place. I just want some pay for the writing and then all this other crap would be dropped in a heartbeat. Well, maybe not the piano, I do love that... despite the nerves.

My brother quotes Voltaire, I stick to Doris Day as in 'what will be will be.' I should be down in Florida with my brother and sister overseeing my father's new aortic valve, but instead I'm stuck in New Jersey on the phone. I call every few hours, mostly keeping the lifeline open.

This I Believe

Life is good, life is great. What a relief, not having to study anymore, to spend my days writing, playing piano, yes, yes, looking for a job. Rob and I had a fight, he wants me to work three days a week, but to me three days is just cutting too much into a writing life. Yesterday got a piece into This I believe on NPR online. It's what I know I should be doing, and doing often, as in at least 3 days a week. That leaves two days for pharmacy, that's the bargain I tell Rob.

I really want to write all morning, read in the afternoons, and mostly muse about. But I do feel guilty. Rob works hard, is worried about his job, and we do have repair needs on this house. So I guess it's a balancing game, will take some finesse, if I just plod ever so further along each day in these different areas, not to be too cliche but ... we'll just see where the process takes me.